BREAKING: Arbitrary Metric Suggests "Twilight" Is Bigger Than "Harry Potter," World Cup, Entirety of Earth

I POLITELY SAY "WELL, DUH, SHERLOCK": BREAKING MEGA-IMPORTANT NEWS, that is in no way driven by an desire for easy pageviews and traffic! The "Twilight" Facebook page has more fans than "Harry Potter," "Toy Story," "Transformers" and "Iron Man" COMBINED, according to Nikki Finke! That's 6.665 MILLION fans, people. Do you understand what this means? No, it doesn't mean that a large number of people using this social networking platform have enjoyed the bestselling books or films, and that clicking "Like" is a meaningless action providing no financial benefit to the series or its beneficiaries.

It means that "Twilight" is obviously bigger than religion and now J.K. Rowling just went and killed herself. Good work, "Harry Potter" fans. If you had just "Liked" the "Harry Potter" page we could have avoided this whole thing. "Toy Story 3" might have overwhelming critical support and be well on its way to $400 million in domestic box office, which is way more than what the "Twilight" film will earn, but these are just meaningless "actually relevant facts" that tell you "actual information." What's important here is that each Facebook fan is actually worth $1 million Space Bucks, and sometime today "Twilight" will become the largest holder of weath on the planet and the globe will be renamed "Planet Renesmee." (Also did you know that more Tweets mentioned "Twilight" between the hours of 5 and 6 a.m. last Thursday than mentioned soccer, President Obama and Cheerios? Based on this meaningless and arbitrary number, "Twilight" now also gets a seat in the U.S. Senate and the House of Commons.)

And Nikki Finke is posting this solely because it's newsworthy and relevant information for her audience, NOT because she will post anything and everything relating to "Twilight" (for the traffic) and "Tilda" (for her own benefit, though she's yet to put anything on the site explaining the conflict of interests inherent when she has a financial stake in a show based on her life, which of course says nothing about the PR boost she gets if a show based on her is a success, BUT apparently none of that is important or needs to be said so lets post anything we can about "Tilda," cool?).